Last night I awoke with that sense that something was wrong. When a panic attack hits in the night, the adrenaline is surging before I have a chance to stop it. My eyeballs popped open, my heart was racing and as I got up, it felt as if my legs would not carry me.
This time, I began the process of telling the Truth (that this was not real, but simply an illusion that was reminding me to wake up) at the same time as I did the things that help calm me - drinking water, deep breathing, getting warm (as my body begins to shake with the stress) and taking some magnesium. I could feel the surge want to ride to the top and spill over into a full attack (like I'm about to have a seizure).
After the first wave passed, I decided to lay back down. Normally, I have to pace. Between two after shocks, I dove into the feelings and this time, I did not feel the panic get worse. I really noticed my legs, which were going through a spinning, swirling sensation, giving me a feeling of floating, which is why I didn't know if they would hold me up. All of a sudden, I remember what Jill Bolte Taylor said of her stroke when the left brain began to shut down programs. Her body lost the dense feeling and became fluid. Amazingly, I didn't immediately equate that thought with me having a stroke, rather, I felt intrigued.
I decided to do something very different. I decided to enjoy this feeling of floating and I closed my eyes and leaned forward on my bed under a cozy blanket. Then I almost fell asleep! Usually, it's hours before I can sleep again. There were no more after shocks and my body was completely calm.
My last thought was, "So this is what the illusionary body feels like. Perhaps it hasn't been panic after all....perhaps it's been my body showing me what it feels like when it's returning to the All that Is, and I've just mistaken it for something scary."
I awoke this morning with such a deep feeling of appreciation for experiencing this and for the new insight into my holographic body.
No comments:
Post a Comment