Panic Attack

Twenty-three years ago, I had my first panic attack. Everything in my body told me I was going to die. Doctors could find nothing even when I was right in the middle of one. So I was prescribed dugs for paranoia. That's how little the medical knew about this then. Of course, never filled the prescription.

I suffered on and off for 5 years. You would think that after knowing I really wasn't dying, that it would make the panic lessen. Nope. It still felt like I would explode and be no more.

Three years ago, after experiencing some major attacks after a 15 year absence, I wrote a book called "My Last Panic Attack" which explains that the feeling of panic is coming from an adrenaline surge and what to do to stop it.

I knew then that I would not have to have another attack, and I didn't, that is, until the night before last.

I got inspired to go down the hall to my youngest son's apartment and ask him to be with me. He thanked me for waking him up and he just held me and hummed in my ear. Immediately, I felt calm.

And then, I remembered!!!

None of this was real....not the adrenaline surge, not the panic and not even my body. I popped it in to scare the dickens out of myself and feel so vulnerable and finite. So during the next of over a dozen after shocks, I dove into the fear. There is no way I would have or could have done that before as it made the panic even more intense. All I had been focused on was trying to make it go away.

While diving down in, the panic began to intensify and I would have to jump up and away from it. When I had a bit more courage, I went into the feelings again.

In the midst of the "horror movie" that I had made, I also wrote in a surprise ending......my "baby" was rocking and humming his mother!

I'm so glad that I did have one more panic attack, as I got to feel it with so much more awareness, and receive the precious gift from my son and I get to add another fun chapter to my book.