Fears of a Friend

I thought it interesting that as I went through the fear of a panic attack this week, my friend struggled with a huge fear. The neighbor just behind her had a break-in and it creeped her out, especially since she had experienced this years ago. It all came back to haunt her.

She wrote for support because it kept looming and did not feel at all like an illusion. I share my answer here, because usually, I need my own advice within a short period of time! And because I had just gone through my own fear and did exactly what I shared with her, so it is authentic!

Remember that you designed this to scare the dickens out of you, and in order to do that, it has to pass your reality tests. Calling it an illusion isn't about helping the fear to go away. It's simply about remembering....that you planned this little script in your movie to scare the eeby jeebies out of you so you could feel small, alone, powerless. You accomplished it! And because you have an experience of it happening before, it is now bigger.

When I began to get help for panic attacks years ago, one guy said, "The key to getting over panic is to not be afraid of the next one, because there WILL be a next one." I wanted him to say that if I followed his method, that there would be NO MORE attacks. But then I realized the truth of it. The key to getting through panic is WHILE you are in panic and to come to a place of peace. We don't accomplish anything by taking a pill for panic or pain - we get through it by FEELING it.

Allow this extremely uncomfortable feeling of fear to be there. It belongs. Fear does not mean anything bad will happen. Fear is just a feeling. You can imagine the worst and nothing will happen and you can be minding your own business and something can happen - but it can only happen if YOU pre designed a pattern for it. Of course you won't remember if you planned that or not. The only way you know is if it shows up.

It's shown up. So it belongs. Invite the fearful feelings closer. They are yours and they belong. Let them take you to a place that will burst you out into more freedom. How do we experience courage and freedom? By going through fear. It's the only way.

It's a gift, no matter how much it doesn't feel like it.
Reclaim latent (dormant, hidden, buried, concealed, suppressed) power that's been hiding since that last break in or before.

Power up girl and appreciate your script.

You are SAFE.
Love Marilyn

Panic Attack

Twenty-three years ago, I had my first panic attack. Everything in my body told me I was going to die. Doctors could find nothing even when I was right in the middle of one. So I was prescribed dugs for paranoia. That's how little the medical knew about this then. Of course, never filled the prescription.

I suffered on and off for 5 years. You would think that after knowing I really wasn't dying, that it would make the panic lessen. Nope. It still felt like I would explode and be no more.

Three years ago, after experiencing some major attacks after a 15 year absence, I wrote a book called "My Last Panic Attack" which explains that the feeling of panic is coming from an adrenaline surge and what to do to stop it.

I knew then that I would not have to have another attack, and I didn't, that is, until the night before last.

I got inspired to go down the hall to my youngest son's apartment and ask him to be with me. He thanked me for waking him up and he just held me and hummed in my ear. Immediately, I felt calm.

And then, I remembered!!!

None of this was real....not the adrenaline surge, not the panic and not even my body. I popped it in to scare the dickens out of myself and feel so vulnerable and finite. So during the next of over a dozen after shocks, I dove into the fear. There is no way I would have or could have done that before as it made the panic even more intense. All I had been focused on was trying to make it go away.

While diving down in, the panic began to intensify and I would have to jump up and away from it. When I had a bit more courage, I went into the feelings again.

In the midst of the "horror movie" that I had made, I also wrote in a surprise ending......my "baby" was rocking and humming his mother!

I'm so glad that I did have one more panic attack, as I got to feel it with so much more awareness, and receive the precious gift from my son and I get to add another fun chapter to my book.

Having the Dickens Scared out of Me

Here is a neat message from the Universe:

Life is where one goes, Marilyn, to temporarily believe in death, fleetingly forget their power, and briefly have the Dickens scared out of them, voluntarily.

All in the name of adventure.

You're bad,
The Universe

P.S. Kind of like jumping out of a perfectly good airplane, huh Marilyn? Times a billion.

I had the dickens scared out of me last night as I watched a movie that had scenes I normally can never watch, because, even though I know the movie itself isn't real, I feel the fear grab me as I envision it happening in real life (which, thankfully, I know isn't real anymore). It allowed me to see things that have scared the dickens out of me with new appreciation for the genius of the creation.

And just in time too, for in the middle of the night, I woke up out of a sound sleep with the feeling that something was terribly wrong. I will tell you the rest of this scary story tomorrow.

Laughter of Children

Nothing is more wonderful to me than to hear children laughing. I got a double dose yesterday as I picked up my granddaughter Cora and took her and Olivia to play. From the moment they were buckled in their car seats, they began to giggle. I heard 2 year old Cora say, "Livia, you Sweetie you", and then Olivia burst into uncontrollable laughter. Back and forth they went.

I thought, "I am enjoying a scene in my movie that is perfect in every way" and I expressed great appreciation.

Then I got a triple dose of magic. All three of my sons, my grandaughters and I went to the pool. We were too early, so we played in the park. The second most wonderful thing is to hear adults at play laughing, especially when it is my boys! They made it pure magic for the girls, and had fun themselves.

Then we played in the pool - and had it all to ourselves for an hour. We are all water babies. This scene was missing only one detail to make it complete.....my daughter.

On the way home the girls asked who was in the car ahead. I said, "Two of them are Daddy's to two of you, and one of them is an uncle to both." Olivia thought a second and announced, "Uncle Dustin". Then she added, "He is the luckiest uncle of all."

He would agree. Later, my 6 foot plus boys said how a few years ago they could never have imagined having more fun at the park being kids with their kids than at the parties they loved to go to.

Usually, it is the discomfort that reminds me to follow the clues to where I hid my power so that I could experience limitation.....which reminds me to express appreciation for the details. This time, it was the joy that got my attention and made my heart burst with appreciation.

I came to this hologram to experience motherhood and yesterday, I had a full cup of joy with the great actors who play my kids. I plan to have many more fun adventures with them.

Irritated

Quite a few times yesterday, I forgot that what I was experiencing was my own movie, and that none of it was real.

A bit of drama with one of the owners in the building I'm cleaning let me know what my daughter in law has been going through. Just one ride on her merry go round made me dizzy and irritated.

At the same time, my granddaughter kept demanding attention. After a few small snaps her way, I stopped. She was the important one here, not the woman who was being more of a child than her.

So I got down on her level and said, "I am really irritated right now Honey, and none of it is your fault. I'm going to need to do a few things right now. What should I do if you start whining again?" A big smile came across her face and she said, "You can say, 'Olivia, do you want some cheese with that wine?'"

I burst out laughing. She laughed too and we enjoyed a moment of fun in the midst of the pressure. And then I remembered what this was all about and it became fun again.

That's why I chose her as one of my best supporting actors in this great movie immersion experience of mine.

Truth Slays Dragons

Here was my message from the Universe today:

The truth not only sets you free, Marilyn, it slays all dragons, banishes all fears, connects all dots, and casts a brand new spell over those who've yet to see you as I do.

And you already had the world spinning in the palm of your hand...

Careful now,
The Universe

Dwell in truth, Marilyn, and you will literally start to glow.

Workday

What a full day. I have work coming out of my ying yang.
Quite the difference from months of unemployment in B.C.
I did my day job, which is Nanny for Olivia.
I shopped for condo supplies and got paid for my time.
I did my evening contract job.
Then I refreshed and restocked FIVE suites for new tenants tomorrow.
And now I'm blogging.
One day I'll get paid for this too!
And Saturday I've been hired by a lady who heard of me through a friend to clean with her all day, with the possibility of regular work which I won't be able to do.
And tomorrow I apply for a manager's job for the building I live in. If I get it, I'll make more money than I've ever made on my own.
And I LOVE the work. I get such a sense of satisfaction seeing spaces that are clutter free and sparkling. (I stayed up late to wash and wax the front entrance of the condo and it looks FABulous.)

I am tuning in to my feelings with all of these opportunities. It's not the money, but how I feel about the work and what I'm receiving in appreciation. This Busting Loose way of living is so freeing for me. I live in the moment and act as I'm inspired and watch with anticipation what pops into my hologram.

Waking up is getting much easier these days.

Hologram Phones and Applications

Three short videos to show what's coming with Holgrams:

Holgram Humour

Here is a funny video that made me laugh at the end:

The Game of Validation

The Game of Validation must be quite an old game, as my granddaughter Olivia has inherited it without being taught. And I'm sure, as I spend more time with Cora, my little 2 year old granddaughter, I will see that it is written in her DNA too.

When I related the story I'm going to tell you to my son, he began his usual rolling of the eyes look that said, "Mom, this is just you." (He inherited that from his father). However, he surprised me by saying, "Everyone wants validation, not just females". I agreed and said, "However, aren't males more prone to trying to fix or solve the problem, rather than just validate feelings"? He agreed with that.

As I relate this story, I remind you and myself that I know that the masculine/feminine differences are illusions. It is an elaborate creation to make each sex feel separate from the other, and at times, not even speak the same language.

Three times in a row on the last day of our holidays, Olivia began to cry or whine about something. Once, she got hurt, saying that I had done it while buckling her in her car seat. I didn't think I had done it and was about to suggest it was the seatbelt, but I remembered when I tried this before, she cried even louder. So I said, "I'm so sorry I hurt you" and IMMEDIATELY she responded, "That's alright Grammy. It's already getting better." Hmmm, that was easy!

A few hours later, something she was holding dropped and she began to cry a little as she asked me to get it. Normally, I would have said something like, "I can't right now honey. But I can get it later when I come to a red light." That has never worked with her. She is young and she wants it now. This time I said, "Ah Honey. I'm so sorry it dropped. I'll pull over as soon as I can." She replied with a sniffle, "I can wait."

A few more hours and she wanted something that was packed. In the past, I would have offered to get her something else or said she already had a toy and I couldn't get it now. But that hasn't worked too well. She is not easily pacified. This time, I was fully aware of how those reactions of mine were coming from the parent side or the masculine side of me - attempting to fix or solve it, and if that wasn't received well, get irritated and controlling (as in, "If you keep that up you won't be able to ......") I was amazed at how easy it is NOT to validate when I'm in the masculine role.

I said, "Ah Sweetheart. I'm so sorry that it is packed and I'm not able to reach it now. Are you okay with waiting a bit?" Her immediate response was, "That's okay. I can play with it later." And then she began to giggle. Amazing. I believe she laughed because she felt happy to know I felt her disappointment, and also because she knew I would feel happy that she was happy.

I've been telling the men in my life how I just want my feelings to be validated, and frustrated to no end when they try to do everything else BUT that. And I've been a stickler for keeping at it until I either get validated, or leave so that I can find space to make myself feel better again. Yet here I was on the other end and quite shocked at how easy and quickly the feminine responds to validation of feelings, and how hurt or whiney the feminine gets when it doesn't happen. The masculine thinks they are unappreciative or high maintenance.

After the third time, I felt the pain of years of hurt in this area and let it take me to a place where I realized that I was giving myself this gift right now and receiving the joy through another. And I realized, that I can find someone who wants to play the validation game. I also am aware that I'm not trying to make that happen anymore. There is no one outside of me to make me happy or make me sad. There is only me and the wonderful actors in my game.

They played their roles so well, I forgot they were just acting! I'll probably forget a few more times, but however often I experience this hurt, I know that I designed it all perfectly so that I would wake up and remember who I really am and why I am here.

John McIntosh

I found this poem and it says it was channeled by John McIntosh.
I was wowed by it!
I've left his virtual address on for further exploring.

Its not good or bad
It’s not dark or light ...
It just ‘is’

It’s the play of Light,
It’s the screen of experience
It’s Your stage ...

Judgment blinds you
to the play ...
instead, ‘use’ the stage
never believing it real,

... and yet,
its within Me,
embrace it all ...
your Love of
‘all’ of it
makes it your friend

There is no priority
to fix or save,
it’s all the play
of My experience ...

And You, My player ...
and You,
the part of Me
Who forgot Me,

Who takes it all
‘so’ seriously ...
it’s the Child
who Truly sees and
Loves it All.

http://www.johnmcintosh.info/satsang.htm

My favorite lines: "Use the stage, never believing it's real".

New Versions of Old Stories

After viewing the last video, I saw how easy it is to introduce a new pattern into a story and exchange one lie for another. And right away, I experienced a perfect example, thanks to Olivia.

We were playing Cinderella and I was the stepmother and she was Cinderella. When playing with her, she will always feed you each line that she wants to hear! So when I'm playing her game, there is no room for creativity from me. (a truth I had not seen before I was introduced to the Busting Loose theory).

All of a sudden, she deviated from the story and said, "Pretend you aren't my stepmother now and that you are my real Mom." As she was giving me the lines that I was now supposed to say, I interrupted and said, "But Cinderella doesn't have a Mom - at least not in the "real" story". Not missing a beat she responds, "But we are just pretending and now you are the real Mom."

In that moment, I saw the new pattern being introduced, which changed the story completely. I've seen quite a few Disney videos with her, and I've seen the liberties that the movie makers have taken with the original stories (at least the stories we were told were original)! Sequels give a new ending. Prequels give a new beginning. Genius!

And we do it all the time. So does religion, and government, financial institutions and our education system. Write this piece of history in and take that piece out. Insert this new rule and make that one disappear.

Fascinating. Funny, I saw this within a few minutes of that last video that I didn't even agree with!!! I may never get to the end of the illusions I've created here. However, I'm having fun exploring the depths of the emotion that they contain and how easy it was to insert a lie for the Truth.

P.S. Olivia was waiting to play a new game as soon as I posted this. She said, "Pretned you don't like the light and so you have to hide over here in this dark corner." So I played along, and she had a sceptor in her hand that as soon as I got in the darker part of the room she turned on and touched my head with it so I wouldn't be afraid of the light anymore. Wow! Enlightenment! I have probably been more afraid of the Light than the dark, which is why I spent so much time hiding in evangelical religion.

Part 5 Holgraphic Universe

Wow! I think I'll have to see Part 4 a number of times. It's like I get this feeling as I watch that I will come to a place where all of it opens up to me.

Until then, here is Part 5. My granddaughter saw the last one and is waiting for this next one to be posted. So this one is for you Olivia:



I posted this before I viewd it and now I will make a disclaimer.
It's funny to me how the video debunks the evil that religion says exists, yet puts in a new pattern of evil - television and floride - to name a few.

It is so easy to exhange one pattern of beliefs (lies) for another.
I'm leaving the video here for that reason, AND for those who would like to play the body game and reawaken their pineal gland. Just don't make it real and fall back into the old maze pattern.

Holographic Universe Part 4

Back home again from my wonderful vacation and ready to post some more amazing information. Part 4 of the Holographic Universe series is blowing my mind open from finite to infinity. I am awed at how many clues that God/Me/Us have planted here to show the way through this elaborate maze.

The group who put this one together calls themselves, The Secret Key Activator, and I will look for more videos and articles from them. I have to watch it again right now and I invite you to join me:

Holographic Universe Video Part 3

I got as far as posting the first 3 videos of the 5 part Holographic Universe series. I think the following video is the "real" part 3 of this series:

10 year old Sensation

My parents told me about Jackie Evancho, the 10 year old singing sensation who brought the house down on America's Got Talent.
As I listened, I thought "That's impossible for a 10 year old to have the voice of a 30 year old."

She inspired me today, so I'm going to post her debut song:

Holidays

I've been on holidays with my grandaughter and have come back to "my" Island for a visit. Olivia had her first swim in the ocean today and I could not get her out. She loved the taste, smell and feel of the salt on her skin.

While we were driving, I had a wierd experience. I passed a place on the highway, and it felt like I'd never left and Olivia was just here to visit me. A few minutes later, it was like I'd been gone for years and felt so glad to be experiencing some of my favorite smells and sights again. Those two happening so close together made me feel the illusion of time.

My granddaughter is waiting for cuddles from Grammy so I have to go!

Gregg Braden Video

Here is a video by Gregg Braden on the holographic universe. Gregg is one of my favorite scientific/spiritual authors. I don't know if he sees this world as the kind of hologram Scheinfeld is, but this video was quite fascinating to me.

We Be Bad

A little chuckle from Mike Dooley:

You be me, Marilyn.

I be you.

They be us.

We be them.

All is one.

Love is all.

We be bad,

The Universe

Giant Maze

I left on holidays Friday and I forgot to post this before I left:

Just have to log the events of the hours I've put in today trying to get anywhere with Paypal and Visa and what I saw in this whole maze.

First, I emailed Paypal again yesterday. You have to pick a topic, but none were my issue, so I wrote without one. Email wouldn't go through until I picked a topic. Then I had to pick a sub topic. None were mine. Again, it wouldn't go through. So I picked and it took me to a page to resolve a problem which I didn't have! But I emailed my message there anyway. Then a pop up came and I copied it:

We are unable to complete your request.
An unexpected error has occurred.

So I went to someone's house with my long distance calling card to phone Paypal. I finally got to find out why my transaction for my writing course was cancelled. It was as I expected - the address did not match exactly.

I asked where my money was and the lady said "Visa has it". Then I asked them for help getting my money put back on Visa as this had been more than the 5 business days. She could not help me.

Then I called Visa. I sat through 5 long songs waiting for an agent and got fed up and put them on speaker while I worked. Thirty minutes later, I got through. I asked them what took so long to make my address change that I went into Money Mart twice to change. I couldn't believe the answer I got. "Oh, you have to make the change on line or phone us. We often don't get the information from their computers." I was incredulous. I asked, "Why have the agents at money mart not been told about this important piece of information? And did you know that you cannot make an address change online?" She had no answer. I told her my address got changed on the very day I put through a transaction and now it got cancelled, and even though it's been 11 days, my money still has not shown up on my card. I asked her to do whatever she had to do to get my money released.

What I heard next was unbelievable. "Oh, it isn't us. Paypal is holding your money." After picking my jaw off the floor, I told her that I had just talked to Paypal and they said it was Visa and I asked their help to call you. And now you are telling me it is THEM"???

I had no money left on my calling card after holding for so long, so I went back home and wrote off an email just now to Paypal. Again, the whole rigamorole about picking a topic. I wrote off two - one of each of two topics that were close and got the same popup message - that they were unable to complete my request.

But here is the gold I got out of this and what caused me to smile. Visa had a voice activated system and after the virtual lady gave a few alternatives, and did not understand my answer, I heard my voice become very clipped and finally saying, "NO" in a very loud voice when she misunderstood again. After that, she said a line that would ahve been perfect for a movie script: "I understand you want to exit the system?" I thought, "Geeze Louise, I'm being given the brush off because I got irritated with someone who isn't even real! Even the recorded voices don't put up with frustrated people!"

After that episode, I began the process. A few minutes into reclaiming my power - I saw it. "IT" was a giant maze. I had reached a dead end in the maze. I was above myself seeing myself reach that dead end and it hit me that this is ALL it was. Everytime I reached a seemingly dead end in getting things resolved, I was hitting a wall in the maze of my human game. Now that I could see that so clearly, I realized I just had to move my player, like I was a human size piece of chess.

That felt like such a win, that I didn't mind playing the waiting game after that. I got nowhere in the other game, but then, there is always tomorrow. I wonder what I'll pop in then.

Sweet Dreams!

P.S. I'm writing this post script as it is already tomorrow. I got an official email from Paypal telling me to how to finally change my address on the credit card I have with them. And guess what? After making the change, they said it could not be verified!!!

Then, when I logged into my Paypal today, I saw that they have taken off $1.50 for 4 transactions all today and one right after the other. For what I don't know. There is no explanation.

When I logged onto Visa, I was charged $1.50 twice. It actually said, "customer service agent". But I only got through once! Man oh man. Am I steamed!

So I quickly logged back into PayPal and deleted my Visa card. They will not have access to my card again. As I continued to read on Visa, it said that a merchant (in this case PayPal) can take up to 30 days to return money to a credit card after a transaction has been cancelled.

I want to give you a warning not to deal with PayPal or buy from a company that cannot afford to set up their own merchant visa. But I know that all of this is my own movie experience, and it isn't real. In the meantime, I'm fascinated at the details that this all took to make it so frustratingly real.

I Believe God Wants you to Know

Neale Donald Walsch has a daily reminder message called, I Believe God Wants You to Know. Today I got this one.

Everyone who shows up in our lives shows up the way they are
showing up so that you can show up the way you planned to show up.
Are you showing up that way? Or have you forgotten why that
person who is "doing it to you" is doing it to you...?

Do not make the mistake of thinking this is all real.

I guess I'm still amazed that so many people have known for awhile that nothing in this world is real. Where was I?

Illusion of Space

Gosh I enjoy Mike Dooley's humor and creative mind as he writes and channels notes from the Universe. This one today is about the illusion of space and by the end, I was laughing out loud...

Of course, Marilyn, the most deceptive of all illusions is very likely space.

You know, that thing between "here" and "there" that would have you see yourself alone, instead of as the bridge between them. That medium between you and the rest of the world that disguises your role in creating it. You know, that veil through which the physical senses must explore your chiseled secrets.

See? Aliens are the least of your worries...

Phone home,
The Universe

P.S. As if you had any worries, Marilyn.

More Money Madness

I've been catching up on blogs as you can see. I've enjoyed some camping and visitng time with my kids.

Yesterday was another day of money mess and internet irritation and going round and round the endless loop that exists in the matrix.

 The writing course that I jumped through so many last minute hoops to get in on time,  got cancelled. I received an email from PayPal telling me this (with no reason why) and I got this 4 days late as it was sent to an email site I hardly ever use. That too is it's own crazy story that I won't get into.

I felt my whole body get anxious as I got nowhere fast trying to resolve any of it. Visa shows that the monies are paid, and there is no credit back, so I can't even make the transaction again and I'm guessing that it was an address glitch. I had a feeling it would happen when my address did not show up correctly on my Visa statement, and I've gone down twice to change it as they don't allow internet changes.

So before I made the transaction, I quickly checked on the Visa site to see if my address was updated. It wasn't, to I used the address that Visa was still showing on the website, NOT the corrected address. After getting the email saying my transaction was cancelled, I noticed that my address had finally been updated and corrected on their site. ARRG!

Who knows what glitch happened to cancel my important transaction, but after I was ready to calm down and tell the Truth about it all, it was amazing how it all became nothing. I planned these wonderful details to trick myself into believing it is all so real and so important.

As I wrote to a friend,
My stress and anxiety always comes from believing that each detail is real, where as, I planned each detail to fool me into thinking it was real! That's the Truth and it always brings an inner awareness of appreciation (when I remember to remember)!

You would think that it would be easier to remember and this stuff wouldn't be happening, but anyone who is going through this waking up process can testify as to how many layers of cover up there are. And this too is perfectly planned so that I would not discover this truth right away. If I had gotten through a few layers and saw the truth, the gig would have been up a long time ago.

There would be no fantastic movie to get lost in. And there would be no great treasure hunt to enjoy now.

And update on my cheque that I deposited Aug first. It went through my employer's account a week ago today and my bank (the SAME bank as hers) is still holding my money until midnight tomorrow. (That's almost 11 days). If I didn't know that each detail was planned by me FOR me, I would be ranting and raving to all my illusions and expecting them to change!

Surrogates Movie Trailer

It is different when you actually have to feel the pain.

This quote comes at the 2.5 minute mark in the movie trailer Surrogates.  In the movie, people are living their dreams and their lives through real life looking machines called "surrogates".  This way, they can say the lines they want, have the perfect bodies, have experiences their beliefs would not let them have before, and not feel ANY pain. Any accident that happens is with a machine, not a human body. It is life without limitations.

But all with a price. Humans don't know how to be human anymore.

The Busting Loose process is about living life without limitations BY feeling each and every human emotion and having a direct experience with Truth.

Courage to Let Go of Beliefs

Human beings are made up of two things; their beliefs and the truth. When you let go of your beliefs, you will see more of the truth. The greatest human beings who have ever lived, had the courage to let go of beliefs, and they became the truth. They showed us the way.

This quote was on the website of The Secret. I haven't been on the site for over a year, as I came to see the dead end in trying to change things up IN the hologram (through the illusionary Law of Attraction). That's just exchanging one illusion for another and slows down the awakening process. Who wants to wake up from a good dream?

What inspired me to quote this particular nugget of truth was because last night, my son and I who have not had much communication, ended up talking about this very thing for hours last night.

Even when we think we are on the path that is Truth or leads to Truth, (which he's been on for the last two years), it is amazing to notice how we still form a belief about what we think the truth is, rather than having a direct experience of the Truth.

And why don't most of us want to have a direct experience with the Truth? Because we would have to FEEL all of our experiences. Our culture has become very good at numbing, hiding and pushing away pain of any sort. Even the message on The Secret website was to quickly leave all negative thoughts and think something positive to feel good and to attract good. But BOTH sides of emotion are what we came to feel. Knock out the one and the other is also gone. There is no wave without a top and a bottom.

And most of us feel too much fear to leave the familiar world of Beliefs. Our whole life has been run by one set or another. Who would we be without our belief about God, ourselves and the world? We'd be like an alien in our own world.
(Much like the movie, Surrogates showed).

Time to feel everything.

Posting Ads

It's been just over 2 months, and I still do not have ads placed for a lighting system that belongs to my ex partner. The first week I was back home, I spent parts of 3 days finding the descriptions, pictures and prices online. I searched website after website and finally, found many of the parts.

Before I could start, I had to update my daughter's anti-virus software. I then added all the data directly to the online ad company. That was a mistake. Usually, I put everything in a Word document, or write it out and send it to myself via an email. By the time 8 or so hours had gone by, something happened to her computer, and I lost all the data.

Since the equipment was at her place, and some of the pictures were saved in her computer, I HAD to do it at her house. Something always kept me from going back and redoing those ads.

Well, here I am! It is hot, I'm tired, and I've been at this again for over 2 hours. First thing I had to do was change the battery in her mouse. Then her anti-virus was outdated again. At this point I'm ready to give up on the whole thing, and ship the stuff off to storage somewhere. I noticed my stomach felt tight, my body became anxious as scenes from my life with him played in my mind. All clues that I still have some power to reclaim.

I had not done the process yet, and resisted. Finally, I decided to surrender these frustrating feelings and tell the Truth about this situation. All the equipment is illusion. The parts and the need to get them listed only exist in my mind. They are here to remind me that I am experiencing the opposite of Who I am and that this is just a very intricate and detailed movie - with very real looking graphics!

I smiled. Immediately I had an idea. I could take my own pictures of the parts! Now why I didn't think of that before is amazing. And I dumped some programs from this computer to speed it up, and now I don't fall asleep between screen changes!

This reminds me of something I read in Arnold Patent's new book, Bridges to Reality. I'll quote it for you in one of my next posts and put the book up at the top of this page....when I'm on a faster computer!

Holographic Universe Part 3

There are supposed to be 5 parts to this Holographic Universe series, and so far, this is the last that I can find. But then I found some more amazing videos from other scientists/spiritual teachers which I'll post at a later date.

Money Madness

It was one of those days that nothing worked the way it was supposed to. It began with downloading pictures from my camera to the computer and then uploading them to another site.

I always rename pictures and when I did, the titles went to the wrong pictures. Then when I went to upload them, a pop up said, "That picture is no longer in your documents." I go to my documents to see what happened, and there is the picture! Thank goodness I had not deleted them from my camera as that is where I ended up uploading from. I got VERY irritated and forgot to process that these were details that I had planned.

I have not registered my car yet as I had no money, and when I did last week, I had a parking ticket which doubled what the amount was and so I didn't have enough. So today I go in to register it, and when I went to pay, the machine said, "declined". I knew that was impossible as I put my check in 3 days ago and only half of it is ever held. So that meant another trip to the bank. I already did this registry/bank trip 3 days before and both were way out of my way.

At the bank, I'm told that $1,100 of my money is being held for 5 business days - and of course, it was a holiday this past Monday and so I cannot access MY MONEY until after the weekend. I'm flabergasted. I told the teller that I've banked with this bank for years and I've never had this happen. So after a consult with the super, I'm told that this "new rule" applies to this particular cheque because the last 4 from this person were smaller. HUH? I realize I am getting an edge on my voice. I stop to calm down and that's when I remember.

Smile....I planned each detail of my weird day today. How ironic, that when I finally have enough illusionary money, I still can't access it. What fun.

I did have enough in my account to buy the desk I found for my new writing course. When I went in to buy it, the last one had been sold! But then the clerk ran after me to say he found one. I thought, Ssomething is going right", but then, when I arrived home and asked me son to help me move it, he said, "Mom, I have a desk you can have....take that one back." He had a desk that was 10x the desk I was buying but I was frustrated that my timing was so off....haul this heavy desk home and now I have to return it.

The only funny part was when I was processing out loud in the car after the Registries. My granddaughter said, "Who are you talking to Grammy?" and I said "Myself". She said, "Louder please so I can hear what you are saying" and I answered "I'm just telling myself a little something that I forgot." She replied, "Tell me Grammy and I'll help you remember"!

So sweet! That put things back into perspective.

Part 2 Universe as a Hologram

There is an interesting twist at the end of this film.



I use the term, "Expanded Self" to describe God, and with that understanding, I totally agree with what is said at the end. What is ironic, is that all my life I believed that, but I now feel that what was told to me about God was mostly a lie.

That lie allowed me to play this fascinating game for so long!

Video: Our Eyes Deceive Us

Some time ago I'm quite sure I posted this video, but I could not find it, so it must be in www.lifeisahologram.blogspot.com. At first, I thought I had never seen it, and then near the end, realized I had. So that let me know it was time to post it again.

Here is the quote under this movie clip:

The holographic universe proves that the physical world we believe is real is in fact illusion. Energy fields are decoded by our brains into a 3D picture, to give the illusion of a physical world.

I Got In!

My inbox contained a very special email today.  After making the application to be part of the writing course, I received the letter saying I was accepted!

But not just accepted.  I got a welcome letter unlike any I've ever received.  I felt cherished!  I certainly did not expect that from a business!  I also had a sense of belonging.....that I belonged to a great mission and a new family.

Here is the letter that begins my new career:

Dear Marilyn,

I am very pleased to congratulate and welcome you to the Messenger of Change Program. Robert, Rick, Susan and I were very impressed with your application and we want to let you know that you are EXACTLY who we were looking for when we envisioned how this program would best serve the world.

Absolutely right! Fix the communication problems in the world and a lot of other things get fixed automatically...brilliant! That is not only a great legacy, but it will help a lot of people.

Anyway, we'll soon be sending you an email so you can self-register for an account with your class on the support website. In the meantime, please whitelist the following sources of email you will received from the Movement of Change team:

- themessengernetwork.com
- tenmillionclicksforpeace.org
- messengerbookcollective.com

It's unfortunate that we had to exclude people who really wanted to be part of this mission, but in doing this we put you (and us) into the strongest creative space possible. It is going to be a very exciting journey and I look forward to reading a copy of your book when it is published, and working with you to spread them far and wide around our beautiful planet.

I am so very grateful to have you here, to meet you, and to know you through what you've written.

On behalf of Robert Evans, Susan Buckley and Rick Beneteau, I feel greatly privileged to be working with you. Thank you for being here.

Many blessings,

Julian Kalmar, Founder
10 Million Clicks For Peace

My New Career

Yesterday, the internet was down so I wasn't able to write about my monumental day.  I've been sensing that I'm close to entering a new career, since I've not had one for 11 years!  I've looked for something that I could do from home and which would give me residual income.  I've had a taste of that and it tastes good!

However, in this busting loose from all illusions journey, I've been content to simply reclaim power from places where lack, loss and limitation show up, and places that give me discomfort.  I wake up each morning with a sense of, "what will I pop into my hologram today".  I have no attachments to what HAS to be and am enjoying the place I am in right now.  In fact, had it not been for the great gift my ex partner gave me, I would not be in this amazing place.

A few weeks ago, I was presented with an opportunity to be part of an amazing writing course.  Neale Donald Walsch is helping to promote this group.  From the moment I saw the first lines of the video, I knew this was for me.

What would this course cost?  I saw that it involved coaching to not only get my book written, but to help market the book.  And the marketing was being promoted by very big names in the writing and spiritual network.  As I wondered what it would cost, I immediately stopped and told the Truth.  "There is no course.  It is all illusion.  There is no cost to the course.  That too is illusion.  And I want to play the writing game and I'm ready now."

When I saw the price, I almost had to do the process over it being much lower than I had expected, as the first thing I thought was, "I CAN afford this."  Haha.  Of course I can, for I AM the abundance I want to express in this hologram.

However, there was a time limit.  And the day before this time limit was up, I got paid early, and jumped through a pile of hoops between getting the cheque cashed on a Saturday, getting money on my Visa, then getting it transfered to paypal, then filling in the form and not having it disappear and finally go through and then voila, I got the message that my application and payment were received and I would receive an email.

I had pulled it off!  Wow - from feeling the discomfort a week or so ago about not being able to pull off my dream, I felt deep fulfillment in this new career that I was embarking on - to be a published writer.

I've wanted to be a writer for over a decade.  I've been writing - articles, blog posts, and yes, even a few books.  But I got stalled in the internet game and the marketing game.  Now I have help to do all three.

My dream of being a published author is close to being popped in!