You're Not Crazy

I received an email from Darlene this morning describing an experience she had about waking up that blew me away. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it:

I had an amazing experience yesterday. I got up in the morning in a “fighting” mood. Expanded Self seems to want to use a certain situation a lot for reclaiming power. Seems every day there are little nitpicky things that come up and I feel petty and foolish. Yet, on the other hand, this is rich material for digging. I go at it, diving in to all my irritation and resentment. Oh man, I’ve done this so many times, I think to myself. I am SOOOO tired of feeling these feelings and having to yet again jump in and get out as much power as possible.

So when I was done, and I could really feel that the situation and the people are not real; that they are my actors playing out their parts in my movie, self-created, other aspects of Self... I was thinking about it all. About how often these feelings come up.

So anyway, I’m thinking about how my irritation and resentment is so pervasive, feel embarrassed, feel guilty. All I can do is process. I can’t ignore it and shame myself into making these feelings go away. It’s there. So process! Sometimes I’ve just finished processing and then I’ll see something else or something will get triggered and there I go again. I have the very real potential of turning into the World’s Worst Nag! So you see how pervasive it is.

As I was saying, I finished processing. And out of the blue, I could suddenly feel....now this is really hard to put into words. But I could sense the thickness, the all-encompassing layers of the hologram. I could feel myself RIGHT THERE IN THE MIDDLE OF IT... operating a body, thinking how amazing it is that we are plunged into this enveloping illusion, moving and manipulating a body that we TOTALLY believe is us. The illusion, the hologram, I could feel it squeezing all around me. And feeling that it was a bubble of illusion! I could sense its absolutely mind-boggling power to convince me that this is real! I could feel how it has the power to completely suck me in and obliterate all memory of my Infiniteness. How thick, how solid, it all appears! And it really, really takes something to break through a section of the bubble. I felt like I’d poked my head through a small part of it and was looking back into my whole experience in The Game.

Marilyn, it was so incredible. This direct experience. Then I got this email from Robert recommending another book for Phase 2 players. Did you get it? If you did, did you click on the link? It’s a book called “You’re Not Crazy, You’re Just Waking Up”. I clicked on the link and the book came up and the picture was spine tingling. I just stared at it with my jaw hanging open. It was exactly what I had felt minutes before. The picture described it.

After this, I figured that any processing I have to do or rather choose to do is so worth it, it is beyond words. I don’t think I’ll feel stupid ever again. If it’s coming up, no matter how petty or foolish it seems, it’s there for a reason. Expanded Self knows EXACTLY which key points of an illusion to blast. I never figured I’d have this kind of a powerful direct experience from “merely” processing irritation. This feels like a really major section of tunnel that got dynamited...all from a bunch of petty nuisances. Just goes to show the brilliance and genius of Self!

I had seen the book that Darlene is talking about. In fact, I had read the whole intro and I've put it in my book selection at the top of this blog. I had not really looked at the picture, as it didn't make sense to me anyway.

After reading Darlene's words, I immediately checked out the book cover. I had an OMG experience. She could feel the thickness of the bubble - she was at the edge of it, and actually began to go through it, and in the same day, she saw a picture of what she had just experienced!

I was blown away because I too thought, "I will process EVERYTHING that comes up from here on in and never think it is too little or too mundane." Secondly, I realized that Darlene had felt the very edges of the matrix, much like Trueman did in the movie, The Trueman Show. That gave me chills of recognition and incredible inspiration to keep drilling through my tunnels until I see the Light and put my hand through the veil of illusion.

I don't know if I'll be able to sleep tonight!