Dark Tunnel

Right now, I'm processing the feelings that always seem to stay hidden at the bottom of the well. They were prompted as I read the story of Shania Twain and her painful divorce. And yet, in the background, always at her side, is an amazing, handsome, successful man who she says is her rock and who makes her laugh and gets her through the dark tunnel and above all, who makes her feel cherished. I feel a little cynical as I think, "poor woman". Yet I know the pain and I know what she's going through it. However, she still seems to have it all and is now poised for even greater success. In the meantime has love, has laughter and lots of money and can go wherever she wants to buy whatever healing she needs.

Another article was of a famous woman who is in her 60's and who has finally found love this late in life to an amazing man who has the whole ball of wax too - looks, money, education, success and above all, who knows how to make her feel cherished. I'm 57 and after another break up where I'm left with nothing, I wonder how long will it take?

I knew I had to go down the rabbit hole with this one. As I processed feelings of inadequecy, failure, not fulfilling my potential, being okay with just getting by, and 3 years spent loving someone who didn't have a clue how to make me feel cherished, and the worse - not being the role model for my children that I have always dreamed of so they can have a life of their dreams........a great big hole of pain opened up.

I heard myself say: "All the faith I had, all the belief, all the work, and I couldn't make my dream come true. I just couldn't pull it off."

When I heard that, I jumped up to record it in writing. I got to the crux of my key pain.

I'm going back to process now as this one will see the light of day and be exposed to The Truth and when it seeks to hide again, I'm going in after it and folling it wherever it leads me.

In the meantime, I know I've created it to seem to last forever and it is for the purpose of feeling the opposite of who I am. Well I succeeded. Yeah. I succeeded at something!

Now I'm processing the feeling of cynicism.

This busting loose process is about dismantling all the former beliefs about how it all worked, and stipping them all away to reveal The Truth that has been hiding underneath it all. Why? So I can finally pull it off? No, so that I can know and feel who I AM. For when I do, I already have it all, have pulled it all off and AM all I ever want to be and experience.

And until I feel that Truth deeply, you will find me on any given gorgeous Saturday, doing some cloud drilling work. And you will be the first to see the Light come streaming in at the end of this tunnel.

Instead of going to the beach, I get to go on a treasure hunt!