The Talk

A few nights ago, there was a knock on my door. The family member with whom I have written about and with whom I've created some drama with, was standing there.

He asked if now was a good time to talk and I felt excited that this was going to be the beginning of a new story between us. He began with, "How can we heal the relationship between you and I?" which told me that he also wanted the rift healed.

After he shared about a few personality traits I have that are not good and things I did that he thought were wrong, I was able to say that this was his perception and I thanked him for sharing. When he asked if I agreed I said, "Not from my perspective. But it is how you saw or felt it, and you are hurting because of it and that's what matters.

All of a sudden he switched gears and said that this wasn't really about that, and now that he is an adult, he's responsible for his own healing. (Wow). He then related that he wasn't angry with me but he was angry with God. A God who he gave up two years of his life in spiritual study and then that God stood by while he had the worst year of his life. His beliefs were crumbling to dust and it was making him feel angry, lost and broken.

I felt the pain of his pain and at the same time, I felt the joy of his experience, for this process of dismantling former beliefs is a necessary part of finding pure joy....the thing he wants the most.

I was also able to express how sorry I was that I was not there to help him through the months of feeling lost. I also identified with him completely about feeling abandoned by God, but as I tried to say that this was a common experience, he felt it was only him who was going through it...a trick of ego to make him feel all alone.

I know that the purpose of our ego personality is to hide all our power, and it does so under layers and layers of judgment. This keeps us in enough pain and discomfort while we try to rediscover the basic human questions: Who am I and why am I here and why the hell can't I seem to figure it out.

I hurt like hell for him as I know how horrible it feels. I also rejoice that he took his search for Truth so seriously. He is so much closer now to his desire for pure joy and that is what I want for him more than anything.

The great anguish leads to the great awakening.